Life is a stage; a set of acts and scenes. There are directors, actors, extras, audiences, and all of the behind-the-scenes people who wear black and think they're ninjas...
We each play several roles in our own movies; I am mother, I am wife, I am daughter, grand-daughter, sister, aunty, cousin, friend... I am the blogger, the project coordinator, the cook and the cleaner. Each role also has its many dimensions... I am the pacifist, the narcissist, the speaker, the listener... I wear my costumes, I say my lines, I change and start again.
Sometimes you can lose yourself in one role and forget about the others. Sometimes the lines blur. Sometimes, you try so hard to perfect a character (or two) that it becomes more about doing it right and less about being you. It can feel like you're an undercover agent, so deep in cover that you've started to believe it. It's pathological. Sometimes you stop; you take a step back, and you wonder, who am I? How did I get here?
Sometimes you realise that wearing so many costumes can weigh you down. They're heavy. It's hot under there. Before you know it you're buried alive in a pile of expectations and promises.
Do you ever find yourself talking without control? Like you've stepped out of your body and you're watching yourself, wondering
who is this person and why won't they SHUT UP?
Do you ever wish you could strip back all of the layers to find your bare, naked self, untainted by the demands of others, by the personas you've created?
Yeah, nah... me neither...
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| Just me |
Being someone is complicated and can never be one-dimensional. That makes living so interesting. As our life evolves it really is easy to focus more on a certain role than another, but I guess the impt thing is to not forget who you really are inside..
ReplyDeleteP.S. love the photos above btw! :)
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Ha ha! I was starting to think "shit, I wouldn't!" I don't know who I am without all those other layers. I guess it's all of those different roles that have made me the person I am, and quite frankly, I'm not me without them! :)
ReplyDeletexx
I think 'costumes' can be taken into many areas... One hat on, another off, and then another layer... A new costume everyday to some degree xxx
ReplyDeleteLove the pic Kelly - I think all the layers we put on help to shape who we are, what we've become. The only layer I'd like to lose is my spare tyre around my belly and thighs! Em @ Have a laugh on me
ReplyDeleteI think we've written parallel posts today. Love your last photo - i think i can see you in there ;) I'm not sure where that bare naked self is anymore. If you've found yours, can you give mine your phone number? Sometimes there's no time to bring it out, sometimes we forget, sometimes it's embarrassing (cos it won't shut up), and sometimes it's been so long you forget what it even looks like. I know I have. Especially when you're a perfectionist and spend so long trying to be the best at role-play.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Emily, I'd love to take off a layer of fat! I do get what you are talking about though, there are many costumes or masks and each one has to be worn but at what cost to the original one?
ReplyDelete#teamIBOT was here!
I think sometimes it's ok to strip back to just a layer or 2. The important layers. The other layers can sometimes just be window dressings.
ReplyDeleteIt was the struggle of my adolescence - trying to get back to Me. Who was I? How could I be me? It was agony. I am glad that these days I don't worry about it. I really put on a pretence, and I have more friends than ever before. I think because I am natural and genuine - not trying to be cool, or something else I'm not. x
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm with Em & Kylez on losing some of the chunk from my junk ;) Seriously though, I think layers are important, they help protect, shape and mould as we go through life and without them things would be harder. Time spent bare, well that's even more important - I don't think that as parents, especially mums, that we get enough of that, time spent to just be happy in your own skin without all the dressings is hard to come by because it usually means alone time and when was the last time you got some of that?
ReplyDeleteI think I'd be a little scared to find the real me now - I don't know if I am strong enough to stand on my own without my other costumes and layers. But I am trying to project the real me a little more through those layers. Maybe that will be enough, for now. Great post Kel!
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post myself!
ReplyDeleteThat's a really good point, Tracey. We're not one dimensional, and I guess it would be rather boring if we were. Thanks for your comment, made me feel a lil better :) x
ReplyDeleteYes, hats! So very true. Damn I wish I had of thought of that before I published lol
ReplyDeleteThanks Tahlia x
Thanks Em. But what if we don't like that shape we've become? :-\ xx
ReplyDeleteI swear we are long lost sisters. Yes, the problem is the perfectionism. Sigh. Hard life this perfect business, isn't it? x
ReplyDeleteYep. At what cost?
ReplyDeleteOoooh window dressings, another great analogy. Damn I should canvas for ideas before I post stuff like this! Thanks Aroha x
ReplyDeleteI think I've done the reverse Zanni. Didn't quite care as an adolescent, I was who I was. But now, I'm not always certain what's natural anymore. Thanks for your comment x
ReplyDeleteDefinitely about protection, great point Kyla. Great point. Alone time... I'm not even sure what that is?
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's it Kirsty, maybe it IS a question of strength. Thank you x
ReplyDeleteThanks Eve.
ReplyDeleteOh I know what you mean! I've had a rough year, and it's had me asking the same questions you've posed. I often wish I could shut myself up! I think that's why I like writing... you can read through and edit yourself!
ReplyDeleteThat's just what we're all about! I have moments where I am comfortable in my own skin, and other times when I wish I that I could be "young" again without any responsibilities! I'm pretty these feelings will go on FOREVER so I'd better get used to it!
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