One of my friends made a comment over dinner a few weeks back that’s been festering in the back of my mind. Not because I was offended by it, but because it gave strength to something I’ve been trying to bury for a while now. Something I didn’t want to face, because I thought facing it would mean letting go.
I’ve heard many times that you lose touch with friends when you have children. When I became a mum at 25, I was certain that it wasn’t going to happen to me. It didn’t matter if my friends didn’t have children, I still loved them dearly, we would still be friends. I was determied not to slip from social circles, to retain the me that was while also growing into this new role of someone’s mum.
forward four years and I can confess that I’ve only been semi-successful. I’ve
removed my presence from some circles simply because I just don’t have the time.
I’m ok with this, I believe that friendships evolve and some expire and it’s
all a part of life. There are some friends that I have less frequent contact
with but can always talk to as if time hasn’t passed. There’s no bad blood on
|Fancy dress before we became parents|
Then there are those friends who are still a constant in my life, and it was one of them who made the comment, “You need to get a life.” It was in reference to my statement of guilt about going out without my family, and as I said, it’s not that I was offended. I was saddened. Saddened because I’ve been patiently waiting, waiting for the past four years, for my friends to catch up. For my friends to get it. And this comment reiterated that they don’t.
I vividly remember life before children. Life when my husband, career, house, family, friends and dog were all that occupied my time. Now on top of that I fit in 3 new little lives, and I wonder how on earth I ever felt fulfilled before? And even more so, in hindsight, I had all the time in the world, because 24 hours of each day were mine and mine alone.
Some friendships are worth maintaining, they are worth their weight in gold. I know that when my friends have children, their eyes will be opened to this wonderful world of parenthood, and I won’t have to worry about such ignorant comments as “You need to get a life!” So I’ll keep waiting, patiently, not holding onto any I told you so’s or hoping for any You were right’s, but eager to be a part of the evolution of their lives, of our friendships.
|Fancy dress for J's first birthday (2009)|