Time is everything

To me, time is everything. It's all we have, really.

You can do almost anything with it. You can't do anything without it.

In need of inspiration I was flicking through my posts over the past couple of months. The lull where I couldn't tell you what was happening. The journey that I documented once I had told you. What I realised was how quickly time has passed. How my life changed so dramatically in the blink of an eye. If you had of told me at Christmas time that I'd be living on my own, I would have laughed at you. If you had of told me I'd be a single mum of three before my eldest's fifth birthday, I might have slapped you.

And yet here I am. I'm doing it. I've embraced change and independence. I've taken ownership of my life. I've grieved, I've indulged, and I've felt, I've really felt every moment. Ok, well that's a bit of a stretch of the truth. My tendency to be emotionally disconnected has allowed me to avoid feeling a lot of the time, I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing...

So I started thinking to myself, what do I want to do with my time? 30 years has gone pretty quickly, how can I ensure that I make the most of the next 30? We only get one shot at this, we have to make sure we give it our all. It's actually been quite an easy question to answer. From the small to the big, I know what I want, and it's all about me...

• I want to burn scented candles, just because I can
• I want to take long walks by myself, to clear my mind and stay healthy
• I want to eat more salmon, I friggin love salmon
• I want to pursue my career without feeling guilty about it
• I want to have more sleepovers and spontaneous short trips
• I want to spend more time socialising
• I want to take that trip to Europe that I never took because M didn't want to
• I want to laugh more
• I want my babies to learn, to see, to feel, to experience, not to sit at home

I want, I want, I want. I want because I NEED to take my life into my own hands. I'm calling it Project Happiness, and I invite you to get on board! What would be on your Project Happiness want list?

A Single Mum's Mothers Day

I had decided to take the kids for a sleep over at my Gramma's on Mothers Day eve. This would mean we were all tucked into the one room, but I honestly think this was part of the attraction. When I crawled into bed beside my snoozing cherubs, H rolled towards me, snuggling into my neck. Bliss. Then he started snoring, and he continued to do so for most of the night. On the other side of him, J was having a teeth grinding party. I didn't realise how serious his teeth grinding had become, but sleeping beside him made me keen to take him to see someone about it.

[Image source]

I was the first one to wake, taking a moment to enjoy the silence before the rugrats stirred. At this moment I felt incredibly blessed, surrounded by my 3 angels.

"Do you know what day it is?" I asked as they all sat up.

"TUESDAY?" "FRIDAY?" The boys shouted in reply.

"Nooooo! Mothers Day!" I corrected them. They jumped from the bed in excitement yelling

"HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!" as they ran, shoving each other out of the way, fighting over who would hand me my present. They decided to do it together, and handed me a large, unusually shaped, wrapped present, and a small bag of handmade cards.

I'm sorry I didn't take any photos. But when I googled "Single Mums" this came up, and it made me LOL.

I unwrapped the parcel and was very impressed by the thoughtfulness of the gift M had put together. Two of my favourite wines, a tool bag and some anti-ageing products were neatly placed in a basket that I had left at the house. Some women might be offended by tools and anti-ageing products, but to me, they were perfect. Ageing didn't worry me until I turned 30 and started to notice wrinkles, and I'd been desperately wanting some tools to support my new-found independence. It's been... YEARS... since I've received such a thoughtful gift. YEARS. I felt sad that it took something as extreme as separation for him to finally put some thought into something.

Hearing a noise in the kitchen, the boys ran off to wish their Great Gramma a happy mothers day. They returned with toast for me, breakfast in bed! How spoilt! Babygirl quickly claimed a piece of toast as her own, and J snatched up another.

"Can I have one?" asked H.

"Nope, it has wheat in it!" I smiled, taking a bite from the last piece. This is how it should be, I thought to myself. Relaxed, happy, feeling the love from my little ones. Noticing the look of dissapointment on H's face, I hopped out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to cook him some wheat free toast. Gramma made some cereal for J and A, and I relaxed with a cup of coffee.

Later in the day the rest of our family arrived, and we relaxed and ate and laughed, and it was perfect.

We made our way home in the afternoon, the kids and I put on a DVD and had crumpets, eggs and toast for dinner on the lounge room floor. After their bath and book, babygirl went to sleep and the boys joined me on the couch for cheesecake and The Voice. It was the perfect end to the day.

I had a beautiful mothers day, thanks to my beautiful family. How was yours?

[Image source]

Oh, and it's Tuesday, so I'm chillin' at Esenntially Jess' for IBOT, of course.

The Virgo/Libra cusp

Astrology. The time, date, month and year you were born allegedly dictates the characteristics you will

possess. What is THAT about? 

I don't really understand it, but I do believe it. I've always displayed typical virgo traits - I'm analytical, a bit of a perfectionist, etc. 

Story of my life!
[Image source]

Recently I've been reading a lot about star signs. I guess you could say I'm seeking guidance? Reassurance? An explanation as to why I've taken off on this premature mid life crisis?

Anywho, after 30 years of believing I was a Virgo, I've recently discovered that I'm actually considered 'on the cusp' (whatever a cusp is) and that I'm a Virgo/Libra. What the fuck does that mean? I wondered. So I turned to the fountain of all knowledge, Google, and was fascinated by my discovery. As I trawled through the pages learning about this cusp, there were smiles and nods and a-ha!'s left right and centre. I was reading a very accurate description of myself. SO I thought I'd share a snippet, and hopefully you'll let me know what you think. (Found here)

If you have a Virgo/Libra in your life here are some things you might want to remember:

1. This combination thrives on balance, not only with themselves but with everyone and all things around them. If they can help, if they can do and it is for a good cause, then it is done.
2. Virgo/Libras are inherently modest. Their beauty and skill is simply who they are and to them, it’s nothing special.
3. If you need a mediator, someone fair and objective… find someone who is from the Virgo/Libra cusp.
4. Because they like balance, it is easy for someone of this cusp to see every angle of a situation and move or advise according to the better outcome. There will be times that they deter from their beliefs because a better or “right” way was found.
5. Having a hard time getting a project or group effort off the ground? Find someone who is a Virgo/Libra and put them in charge. You will see that project turn around and succeed.

   

   Absolutely
   [Image source]

6. Another reason why people of this cusp succeed is that they are very goal orientated. Many times their goals involve helping or the betterment of someone else, not just themselves.
7. Their attention to detail makes them natural perfectionists. This often time works in their favor but when it doesn’t, it blows up badly in their face.
8. Virgo/Libras are known to be reliable, practical, rational and very controlled. This is why you will likely find them in field of medicine, corporate business or any positions that are very stressful.
9. A person born from this cusp will never be short of friends. Their natural charm and social attitude makes sure of that.
10. When interacting with Virgo/Libra at any level, make sure you are diplomatic, open minded and considerate. Though they rarely display anger, they will not hesitate to put you in your place if needed.

So there you have it. What do you think? What's your take on astrology? Have you had your charts done?

Should I?

Agreed!
[Image source]

Yesssss!
[Image source]

THAT love

Perhaps having children has ruined me for all men.

You know the kind of love that you feel for your kids? It's different from romantic love, yes, but it's that all-
consuming, overwhelming, do-or-die kind of love. The kind of love that makes you smile when your world has fallen apart. When you can feel anger and frustration and sadness all at the same time, but still never doubt the love that you feel for them. Quickly, your greatest fear becomes anything jeopardising that love. It sets the bar really high, you know? How can a partner ever measure up to such true, unconditional love?

My children often tell me that they love me. They hug and kiss me constantly. The beautiful little souls will tell me "you're so beautiful mummy" or "that was the best dinner ever mummy". They fill my heart with all of the warmth and fuzziness that it will ever need. They have made my lonely days quickly become normal days. There can't possibly be a void in my life when I'm surrounded by my devilish angels.

I wake up in the morning, and rather than feel miserable about the vacancy on the other side of the bed, I look to those three precious faces, and I think to myself...

Why can't the little buggers sleep past 7am?

Oops. I mean...

How lucky am I? 

Some people have shitty kids. Some people have stupid kids. Some people have ugly kids. Some people have none at all. But me, I have three polite, intelligent, gorgeous children.

Clearly, I have lost my marbles. Because I just published that ^^ on the internet. This post lost direction, I lost my patience. And then my marbles. 

I guess, in summary, what I was trying to say is that right now, all I need is them. Until they're grown, and they leave me, and then I'll be old and alone... No one to hug and kiss and shower me with compliments. No one to make me feel important. Special. Warm and fuzzy. Instead I'll be cold and wrinkled and fuzzy-less.

But until then, the glass is half full!